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Only-in-the-Philippines Signs:
Along a Pampanga highway – WE MAKE MODERN ANTIQUE FURNITURES
Resto in Bacolod – PLEASE HELP OUR COMFORT ROOM CLEAN
Grocery in Baguio – FRESH FROZEN CHICKEN SOLD HERE
Shop in Rizal – WE SELL ARTIFICIAL FRESH FLOWERS
On a truck – NOT FOR HERE
Menu in a Davao resto – BEEF STICK, MONGO SOAF
Resto in Cubao – WANTED: BOY WAITRESS
Road sign in Samar – SLOW MEN WORKING
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Your future depends on your dreams.
So go to sleep.
Ang taga-call center (yes, you..)
1. Disoriented
2. Bingi-bingihan
3. Malaki ang eyebags
4. Sigarilyo ang pares sa kape
5. Nag-e-english kahit kundoktor ang kausap
6. Palaging naka-shades kahit walang sun
7. Umaga pa, shot shot na
8. Malakas ang boses kahit katabi lang ang kausap
9. Ang tawag sa INTERNET ai “innernet”
10. And worst, kahit umaga, tanghali o hapon, naggu-GOODNIGHT pag matutulog na sila. At kahit gabi ang gising, GOOD MORNING pa rin ang greeting.
People who don’t know me think that I am behaved.
People who do know me…
… wish I were. ü
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“I woke up early, traveled miles and miles…
Hoping you would be there… waiting for me.
I prepared so much for this moment. I even honked a sound just to catch your attention. But you were never there all along.”
– Magpapandesal. :p
I’m on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
CSR: I was hoping you can take the survey with me. Would you have the time to do that, sir?
Customer: How long is this gonna take?
CSR: Mmm… Mga three minutes…
(HAHA)
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TSR: It’s C as in CAT.
Customer: What?
TSR: C as in CAT… Meow meow…
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Giving an order number to the customer:
CSA: That’s N for Nancy, the number zero, then V for Victor, and then L… ahh… uhmm… L as in Liempo!
Customer: What’s liempow?
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CSA: Thank you for calling. Ths is Candy. How may I help you?
Customer: What did you say your name was? Mandy?
CSA: No, sir, it’s Candy…
Customer: Sorry, can’t hear ya… Didja say Mandy?
CSA: No, sir… Candy, sir… Candy… as in Storck!!!
Tech Support: Technical support, this is Carl. May I help you?
Customer: Hello, yes, it’s me.
Tech Support: Oh, it’s me too. (chuckle)
Customer: No, Esmie. E-S-M-I-E.
Tech Support: Oh, sorry.
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Tech Support: OK, in the bottom left-hand side of the screen, see where the ‘Start’ button is displayed?
Customer: How can you see my screen from there?
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Tech Support: OK, Bob, it’s time to press the ‘control’ and ‘escape’ keys at the same time.
Customer: Done.
Tech Support: Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the ‘program manager’.
Customer: I don’t have a ‘P’.
Tech Support: On your keyboard?
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech Support: ‘P’ on your keyboard?
Customer: I’m not going to do that!!!
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Customer: My hard drive is smoking! I think it’s on fire.
Tech: (Alarmed) Have you shut off the system?
Customer: No.
Tech: (More alarmed) Well, unplug the computer!
Customer: I don’t want to lose my data…
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Customer: I have Microsoft Exploder.
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Tech: Just call us back if there’s still a problem. We’re open 24 hours a day.
Customer: Is that Eastern time?
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Tech: Could you left click on ‘Start’ and, now, do you find ‘My Computer’?
Customer: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?
Babala: Lubhang napaka-corny nito.
Alin ang mas mabango sa dalawa?
: ;
Shempre mas mabango ang colon kesa semi-colon! Whooo!
Quote for the day:
“Hindi masusukat ang kagandahan o kagwapuhan mo… kahit na maraming nag-view sa Friendster mo.” Hehe.
Girl: I’ve experienced so much happiness since you came. No one can ever replace you here in my heart! Though many things are running through your head and you’re thinking that you mean nothing to me, just keep in mind that I’m still the same old girl who had loved you the best way I can… And nothing can ever top that!
Boy: Ah.. OK. Hehe. Kumain ka na lunch?
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Ano ang sinabi ng itim na ulap sa puting ulap nung nagkasalubong sila?
“My name is Rain. I like black. Black looks good. Looking good means no dandruff.”
Hahaha.
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Pa’no kung tamad na akong tamarin? Eh di ang sipag ko na nun? Ayoko nun. Nakakatamad.
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Pag walang bolpen, walang notes. Pag walang notes, walang pag-aaral. Pag walang pag-aaral, walang diploma. Pag walang diploma, walang trabaho. Pag walang trabaho, walang pera. Pag walang pera, walang pagkain. Pag walang pagkain, magugutom. Pag nagutom, papayat. Pag pumayat, papangit. Pag pumangit, walang shota. Pag walang shota, walang asawa. Pag walang asawa, walang anak. Pag walang anak, made-depress. Pag na-depress, magkakasakit. Pag nagkasakit, mamamatay ka. Pag namatay ka, ala ka na.
Kaya ingatan mo bolpen mo. =)
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Prayer ng isang umiibig:
“Lord, please give me a sign kung s’ya na nga… Pero kung hindi s’ya… Eeeeee… S’ya na kasi please!”
Hahaha.
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Anak: Tay, nasugatan ako!
Tatay: Buti nga di ka umiyak. Lalaki talaga ang anak ko!
Anak: Shempre naman po Tay. Sabi nga sa kanta ni Fergie, “Big Girls Don’t Cry!”
“Why would I sleep if I’ll get a lot of it when I die… There’s too much to do rather than sleeping.” — motto of a student nurse. Hehe.
If we were a hamburger at McDonald’s, we would be…
McGorgeous.
…Ha ha ha! Pap parap pap pap, love ko to…
Example ng mga hindi tamang sagot sa maayos na tanong:
1. Kumain ka na? — Busog pa’ko.
2. Andyan ba nanay mo? — Bakit po?
3. Anong oras klase mo? — Mamaya pa.
4. San kayo galing, tol? — NagStroll lang, tol.
5. Pano mo ginawa yan? — Madali lang.
6. Bat ka wala kahapon? — Absent ako.
7. Anong oras na? — Maaga pa!
8. Ngayon na po ba o next week pa? — Yup!
My favorite…
9. San ka na? — Papunta na!
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Multo: Awoooo!
Bata: Waaa… Wag po!
Multo: K. Sorry..
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Top 6 problems of students:
6. Instructors
5. Assignments
4. Exams
3. Grades
2. Allowance
1. PAPEL!
Napansin mo? Wahahaha!
“Kelan kaya ako magkakaroon ng misis?” – Mr. Chips
“Ako nga din eh.” – Mr. Clean
“Bakit kayo lang ba?” – Mr. Quickie
“Teka, ako pa…” – Mr. Donut
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I started to open my eyes and walk, wandering… I realized, I was down the street. Something came out of my mind, “there are so many temptation in life.”
Isaw, hotdog, BBQ, bulaklak, footlong, cheeseburger, halohalo, siomai, gulaman, fishball, kwek kwek, kikiam, chicken ball, squid ball, singkamas, mangga na may bagoong, patrick’s pizza, tapos sabay may dadaan na ice cream! Hay. If I can only close my eyes again. Somehow, life would be more simple.
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Q: Alam mo ba kung bakit walang kulay ang utot?
A: Kasi kung meron, mawawala yung thrill ng paghahanap kung sino’ng salarin!
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Amo: Inday, may pulubi sa gate, paalisin mo nga…
Inday: Right away!
Inday to Beggar: Hey you putrid-smelling beggar with the diverse ambiance of scented junk that assails everybody’s nostrils and poisons everyone’s fresh and carbon-free lungs, please go away now!
Beggar: What? Who do you think you are?! You pathetic trying-hard nanny! How could you, a social climber and very lowgrade mammal, underestimate a high-class beggar like me?! The hell with you!
Inday: Nakakasakit ka na ah! Mam oh, ayaw umalis!
Teacher: Pedro, i-English mo ito
Pedro: What ma’am?
Teacher: Ang uwak ay hinang hinang naglalakad lakad…
Pedro: The wak wak hu weak weak, wok wok.
Girlfriend: Ayoko na, hiwalay na tayo!
Boyfriend: Bahala ka! ‘Kala mo makakahanap ka pa ng tulad ko?!
Girlfriend: At ‘kala mo maghahanap ako ng tulad mo?! Asa!!!
